New Beginnings

*If you are reading this and I haven't had the chance to tell you in person, I'm so sorry.  It's been a busy week, and I tried to get to as many people as possible.*

2801 miles, 10 days.

Those are all the things between me and my new adventure.  My new chapter.  My new...everything.  Mainly, my new job.  I have been offered the Intern Program Director position with the non-profit organization To Write Love On Her Arms, and I have accepted.  I will be moving to Melbourne, Florida.  If you haven't talked to me in the last week (or even if you have), you're probably a little shocked right now, so I'll start from the beginning.

71 days ago, I decided to go to a To Write Love On Her Arms event, despite my desire to stay home.  71 days ago, I stood up (ignoring the butterflies in my stomach) and asked a question.  71 days ago, I talked...a lot...to a guy whose story inspired me.  71 days ago, I said yes to a dinner invitation.

36 days ago, I took a road trip to San Francisco for Vans Warped Tour.  36 days ago, I spent part of the day meeting people and hanging out with a new friend.  36 days ago, I (somewhat jokingly) mentioned to this new friend that I'd love to work for To Write Love on Her Arms.  36 days ago, I was told not to get my hopes up.

34 days ago, I took a step in the direction of a dream and I vowed not to shove open doors or look for cracks in windows, and I asked the Lord to open the doors He wanted to.  26 days ago, I got an email and the real praying started.  23 days ago, I got a phone call.  10 days ago, I got another email.  9 days ago, I got another phone call.  8 days ago, I got on a plane.  7 days ago, I met new people, saw an office, a house, the beach, and had delicious mushroom ravioli.  6 days ago, I got a job offer, and I finally got my hopes up.

Really, this story goes back much further.  Years, in fact.  This story includes many people, and places, and events that have made me the person I am today.  It includes me staying put when I felt like running.  It includes God's unwavering love, and grace, and mercy, and so much redemption I wouldn't believe it possible if it weren't my story.  It includes hurting and healing.  Joy and pain.  Learning, growing, understanding.  I spoke with a friend recently about how fast I thought all of this was happening, and he said, "What are you talking about?  This has been a slow build in you for years.  It's just all coming together quickly now." How true that is.

I have absolutely no doubt that this new journey is one that I'm not walking alone.  There's still some logistical things to work out, and I'm still battling some doubt (me?  really?).  I'm choosing to leap.  I'm choosing to face the unknown holding tightly to the hand of my Savior, and walk this new path.  Fear is still crouching at the door hoping to get the best of me, but that guy can just move on.  I'm jumping.

Doors Closing, Windows Opening, and the Ties That Bind

I wrote this one awhile ago and just tonight realized I'd never published it:

The thing that no one tells you about chasing your dream is that, usually, it requires you giving something up.  Sometimes that something is easy to give up.  It's bad for you, or damaging in some way, so giving it up is a clear choice.  But what about when it's not so clear?  What if the thing you have to give up is something beautiful and good?  Something that's been used in your life for healing and community.  Something that you don't want to give up.

Recently, I've stepped down from a position I had in ministry.  I've served in that role for three years.  I've made some of my closest friends there and healed from some of my deepest wounds there. I've discovered my gifting there and grown closer to the Lord there.  I was happy there.  I was effective there.  I was content there.  And yet....


And yet.


Somewhere along the line, what was good for me became what was holding me.  What was keeping me.  Why would you want to leave something so good and comfortable for the unknown?  For the unseen?  For the thing you've always wanted but were too afraid to chase?

Dreams are a funny thing.  Usually, our dreams are things that come alive in the secret places.  They are things that we think about during idle moments or that we remember when we read a particularly stirring book or blog.  Mine have been dormant for awhile.  Sleeping somewhere in the backside of my conscious.  I would revisit them from time to time, but for the most part I was just waiting for them to come true.  Taking no steps toward them - running from them, to be honest.  Then a funny thing happened.  I took a step.  Just a one.  But I took a step in the direction of my dreams.  And now these dreams that have been quiet and calm and visited only in the dark of the night are SCREAMING.  My dreams don't meet me in slumber.  My dreams wake with the morning.