I'm not a cat person. In fact, for the longest time I was allergic. But a good friend of mine recently had to give up their cat, and somehow this furry little guy weaseled his way into my heart. It just seemed like the most natural thing for me to say, "I'll take him." And now he's running around my apartment and finding his way around and getting stuck under the couch. And I love him. This makes me think about all the other things in my life that I thought I was allergic to.
Example One: My Main Ministry: Youth. If you had told me I was going to be working with high school kids one day, I would have told you were you crazy. But then in swoops God and just changes my heart. I love those kids. I love watching them learn and discover God for themselves. Watching them fall in love with Him and answer His call by pursuing Him with abandon. My heart is so happy leading them.
Example Two: Friendship/Love. I was always the person who hid behind these giant walls. My 'friends' used to refer to my heart as a steel trap. Nearly impossible to penetrate, but once you're in, you're never getting back out. I was always that person other people knew they could talk to, that person who had their back and would love them through whatever season they were in. But people loving me back? Unacceptable. That's how you get hurt. That's how you get broken. That's how you get left. And then BAM! The Lord brings all of these wonderful people in my life who won't let me hide in my shell. Who love me and want to know me. Who don't want anything in return but to know my heart and love me in the midst of my stuff. And the Lord Himself pursues me so far into the darkness that His love is blinding. He's taken me from the scared kid hiding under the bed dressed in rags and clothed me in beautiful garments of salvation and praise, and let's me dance and sing to Him in fields of the most colorful wildflowers. He's enabled me to love people and, more importantly, be loved in return. To open my heart, but also to know where to set boundaries.
Example Three: Hi, I'm Lauren. For so long I put myself in this little shoebox labeled "Lauren". All of my personality traits, likes, dislikes, hopes, dreams, plans, and gifts were contained in there. And if it wasn't in the box, it didn't exist. Not for Lauren. But I'm discovering this person I never knew existed. This side of Lauren that for years I suffocated and stuffed away. This woman who wants to be a stay at home wife & mother. This worshipper who delights in singing praises to her King and whose spirit rejoices and can't hold still during those times. This girl who loves makeup and jewelry and being told she's beautiful (and actually believes it). This goofball who enjoys laughing and making other people laugh. This formerly loud girl whom the Lord has told there are times to be quiet and times to shout things from rooftops. This teacher whom the Lord has anointed to speak truth His truth to His people. This prayer warrior who intercedes for His people. I'm a work in progress for sure, but at least there's progress happening. And I can't take credit for any of it.
I'm not finished overcoming allergies. Not by a long shot. But I'm going to start by snuggling with my new kitty and talking to my Daddy.
Love.
