Emergency Lights

A few days ago driving home from Carson I passed a truck on the side of the road that had it's emergency lights on.  Whenever this happens, I have to fight the urge to pull over and see if they need help.  That is, after all, the point of emergency lights.  They were installed for the purpose of alerting other drivers that you were in an emergent situation and needed help.  However, in today's society, they are more like a warning to stay away.  They mainly communicate "go around me" or "be careful not to hit me".  They rarely mean "please, someone, help".  In fact, off the top of my head, I couldn't tell you where the emergency light switch is in my car (and I'm sure I'm not alone).

Then, like I tend to do, I started thinking about the spiritual parallels.  You see, I am convinced that God gave all people their own emergency lights.  Things that change (whether in appearance or behavior) when we're having a hard time.  When we need help (we all do sometimes - even if we don't admit it).  When we desperately wish someone to pull over and lend a hand.  I'm also convinced that we're failing horribly.  People are falling apart all over the place.  The world is so full of metaphorical emergency lights that we don't even notice them anymore.  Worse than that, we've accepted them as normal.  We tend to write off people struggling to keep breathing.  We say "they need space" or "they don't like it when you hover" or "it's not my place" or "that's just how they cope". I'm calling B.S.

Jeremiah 6:14 MSG
My people are broken—shattered!—
and they put on band-aids,
Saying, ‘It’s not so bad. You’ll be just fine.’
But things are not ‘just fine’!

People were made to LOVE!  We were created in the image of a God who is love.  How is ignoring the suffering around us loving people?  Yet we continue 'going around' people.  Why do we do that?  I keep coming back to a teaching by Josh Riebock I heard over the summer.  He was talking about the Good Samaritan of Luke.  Josh explained that when the Samaritan stopped to help the battered man, he probably had to bend down to pick him up, which means he likely ended up covered in the man's blood.  He wasn't afraid to get the other guys 'stuff' on him.  So why are we?  Why don't we, as Josh would say, 'run to the mess'?  And why, once someone has given us entry into their life, are we unwilling to just say, "Hey, that's the edge of a cliff you're running toward.  How about turning around?"

Confession: when I see someone whose life is falling apart, my first reaction is to hug them/reach out to them/see if I can help.  But my sinful second reaction is to run as fast as I can.  I have enough issues of my own, I don't want to add that person's problems to the pile.  I don't want to get dragged into their drama.  I don't want to get their 'stuff' on me.  Plus, if people see me with them, then they are going to think that I'm struggling with the same things they are, right?!  I'm ashamed of how often I allow the second impulse to overtake the first.  Perhaps daily.

So, my new mission: love people.  Not the way I would, but the way our Heavenly Father would: where they are, for who they are, but desiring to see them transformed into His likeness.  I'm not sure what this looks like yet, but I'm confident He will reveal it to me.  He is, after all, the one who put this fire within my heart.  He loves His people, and He wants me doing the same.  So I'm going to ask Him to show me how.

"Who You love I'll love,
how You serve I'll serve,
if this life I lose I will follow You"

Searching for Direction

I am easily distracted.

Well, yeah, duh.  But not in the, "Oooo...shiny" kind of way.  Because being distracted by shiny things isn't the problem.  If my God is anything, He's shiny.

 (before you start screaming, keep reading)  

He's beautiful, full of light and love and compassion.  He's strong and powerful.  He awakens me with gorgeous sunrises and ushers out the day with breathtaking sunsets.  He made mountains with the palms of His hands and commands the waves with His breath.  He is glorious, He is mighty, He is everything.  He is shiny and speactacular and the reason my heart beats.  He loves me completely and totally.  He loves me.  He loves me.  He loves me.

And yet...and yet...I am easily distracted.  I have all of these things that I want to do.  Goals that I want to accomplish because I think I need to reach them in order to be happy and satisfied.  Places I want to go.  People I want to meet. And these things and goals and places and people distract me.  Hear me out.  I'm not saying things and goals and places and people are bad.  They all can come from God.  But never EVER should they overwhelm my desire to know HIM.  HE has plans.  I know that I have plans, but if they aren't HIS plans then they're just going to take me further down a road that I know I don't want to be on.

This road - this road full of my plans and void of His - looks great from a distance.  

It's got the right color scheme and that really freshly poured tar. 

(You know the kind I mean.  Right after they repave and you can't even hear your tires on it)  

It looks like the most beautiful place my mind can create.  

It smells like the cologne my Papa used to wear.  

BUT 

As I try to look further down the road to see what to expect, 

I notice the road turns and I can't see beyond my first hundred steps or so.  

Let's call this road αυτο.  

It's to the left of the fork I seem to be finding myself at lately.  

To the right I find road Τον.
Road Τον opens with a blood spatter and this man who wants to keep me company.
This man is covered in blood.
He has holes in the hands that want to hold mine.
But His eyes.
Oh, His eyes.
They are brimming with love.  He wears this look of love and joy and peace.
And it's directed at me, which I find odd (which is a whole other blog).
Odd and a little scary but mostly just welcoming.
I'm not sure what home smells like, but that's the smell emanating from road Τον.
As I glance down this road I see spot of that fresh tar I mentioned earlier,
but I also see areas of serious wear.
Potholes and some sections that aren't even paved.
Further down I see people who look hungry and abandoned.
Even further down I see such beauty that my breath stops and my heart beats faster.
This road looks hard and a little scary and like it will require me to put down my backpack full of
ME that I've been carrying around.
Full of MY plans
and MY hopes
and MY dreams.
 And not just drop it, but this man wants to carry it for me.

So, do I choose road αυτο or road Τον?  

Down road αυτο there's a whole lot of me.  

And road Τον doesn't seem to leave a whole lot of room for me.  

But I know I have to make a choice.  

Right now.  

There's no turning back.

If my brain worked the way I want it to, I would be easily distracted.  

BY HIM.  

He would distract me from all the struggles I keep trying to outrun on my own.  

So, that's it.  

I'm choosing to be distracted.

I'm choosing to be eclipsed.  

I'm choosing to be captivated.  

I'm choosing to pursue Him with abandon.  

Road Τον may be bumpier, but I know it's better than my wildest dreams.

Rudo

I'm not a cat person.  In fact, for the longest time I was allergic.  But a good friend of mine recently had to give up their cat, and somehow this furry little guy weaseled his way into my heart.  It just seemed like the most natural thing for me to say, "I'll take him."  And now he's running around my apartment and finding his way around and getting stuck under the couch.  And I love him.  This makes me think about all the other things in my life that I thought I was allergic to.

Example One: My Main Ministry: Youth.  If you had told me I was going to be working with high school kids one day, I would have told you were you crazy.  But then in swoops God and just changes my heart.  I love those kids.  I love watching them learn and discover God for themselves.  Watching them fall in love with Him and answer His call by pursuing Him with abandon.  My heart is so happy leading them.

Example Two:  Friendship/Love.  I was always the person who hid behind these giant walls.  My 'friends' used to refer to my heart as a steel trap.  Nearly impossible to penetrate, but once you're in, you're never getting back out.  I was always that person other people knew they could talk to, that person who had their back and would love them through whatever season they were in.  But people loving me back?  Unacceptable.  That's how you get hurt.  That's how you get broken.  That's how you get left.  And then BAM!  The Lord brings all of these wonderful people in my life who won't let me hide in my shell.  Who love me and want to know me.  Who don't want anything in return but to know my heart and love me in the midst of my stuff.  And the Lord Himself pursues me so far into the darkness that His love is blinding.  He's taken me from the scared kid hiding under the bed dressed in rags and clothed me in beautiful garments of salvation and praise, and let's me dance and sing to Him in fields of the most colorful wildflowers.  He's enabled me to love people and, more importantly, be loved in return.  To open my heart, but also to know where to set boundaries.

Example Three:  Hi, I'm Lauren.  For so long I put myself in this little shoebox labeled "Lauren".  All of my personality traits, likes, dislikes, hopes, dreams, plans, and gifts were contained in there.  And if it wasn't in the box, it didn't exist.  Not for Lauren.  But I'm discovering this person I never knew existed.  This side of Lauren that for years I suffocated and stuffed away.  This woman who wants to be a stay at home wife & mother.  This worshipper who delights in singing praises to her King and whose spirit rejoices and can't hold still during those times.  This girl who loves makeup and jewelry and being told she's beautiful (and actually believes it).  This goofball who enjoys laughing and making other people laugh.  This formerly loud girl whom the Lord has told there are times to be quiet and times to shout things from rooftops.  This teacher whom the Lord has anointed to speak truth His truth to His people.  This prayer warrior who intercedes for His people.   I'm a work in progress for sure, but at least there's progress happening.  And I can't take credit for any of it.

I'm not finished overcoming allergies.  Not by a long shot.  But I'm going to start by snuggling with my new kitty and talking to my Daddy.

Love.

To Blog or Not to Blog...

Lately I've been tossing around the idea of starting a blog.  But what would I write about?  Would it be interesting?  What if no one cares?!

And then I started thinking about why I wanted a blog in the first place.  I came up with many reasons before deciding that no, it wasn't because everyone else had one.  I want to start a blog because the Lord keeps giving me all these cool ideas and I need to get them out.  I need somewhere to organize my thoughts that conveniently comes with a delete button.  I'm not even sure I'm going to advertise that this exists yet.  Maybe I'll let myself get a few entries in and see how it goes.

And with that, I say, "Hello, blogosphere.  You're looking terrifying this evening."